She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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