Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize