he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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