life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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