i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Randomize
