There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
