i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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