I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
