if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
