Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
