You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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