sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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