It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
