Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
