Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
