Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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