What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
