this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
