I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
