she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
