it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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