What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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