Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
