I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize