bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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