walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
