Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
