so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
