What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
