I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
