McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
