she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
