I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
