dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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