so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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