you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
