She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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