i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
