and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
