Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
