She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
