3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
