How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
