I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
