I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
