I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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