Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
