you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
