she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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