Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
