i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
