I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
