weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
