I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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