okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
