Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i out mim tonsoeep
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