Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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