why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
