I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I miss vodka workout Fridays
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
