So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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