so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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