I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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