you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
