All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
