He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
