I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
