now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
