I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
