This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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