I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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