I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize