Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
