I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
