Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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