I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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